After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
