this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
