The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
