Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
