maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
