just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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