The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
