I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Randomize
