I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
