i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
