Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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