have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
