Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
