This is not my ceiling
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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