so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
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