Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
