Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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