Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
