On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
