I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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