He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
