You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions