I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?