worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.