Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(989): View more from Michigan

Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's

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(989): Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's http://tfl.nu/0ar1

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(330): View more from Ohio

now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me

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(330): now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me http://tfl.nu/m2x7

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?

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(617): why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency? http://tfl.nu/lb38

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(727): View more from Florida

She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

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(727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9

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(515): View more from Iowa

once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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(515): once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window. http://tfl.nu/ziko

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.

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(307): I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that. http://tfl.nu/zno7

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(706): View more from Georgia

I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.

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(706): I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face. http://tfl.nu/e8qy

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(425): View more from Washington

I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.

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(425): I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque. http://tfl.nu/62jx

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar

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(580): I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar http://tfl.nu/19bx

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(805): View more from California

100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.

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(805): 100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun. http://tfl.nu/nptp

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(623): View more from Arizona

He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon

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(623): He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon http://tfl.nu/msr7

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(206): View more from Washington

Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

(1-206): View more from Washington

Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

(206): View more from Washington

Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

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(206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6

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(573): View more from Missouri

So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

(417): View more from Missouri

I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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(573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4

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(519): View more from Ontario

I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.

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(519): I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity. http://tfl.nu/v0to

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.

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(717): I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country. http://tfl.nu/ua5o

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