Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.