So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest