so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
