i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
