Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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