So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
We're not piercing ourselves today.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Lo siento on account of my penis...