I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me