I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
