Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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