The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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