im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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