i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
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I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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