dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
worst night to have a conscience
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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