This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
