everyone is single if you try hard enough
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
