Your face is a jimmy john
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
