If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
