im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
