she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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