You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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