I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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