what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
