My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
