please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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