Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
