I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize