i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
