So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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