My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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