my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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