There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The police scanner is talking about you again....
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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