I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize