Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
