I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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