I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We talked him into tasing himself.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
