I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
