im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
