Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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