What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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