I accidentally had phone sex last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
