I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
