Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
