yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
